So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
