Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Randomize
