I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
