Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
