I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
