addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize