We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
