i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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