I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Randomize
