dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I need to stop coming to work sober
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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