Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
