Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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