Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
