I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
