For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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