I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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