Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
