pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
