Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
