so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
