I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
