She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
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