You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
