he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
