is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
