Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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