I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize