turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
wow bdsm is so cute
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
