He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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