Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
