you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
