I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
