did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
