it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
