from now on my penis is your penis
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
