I molested 6 butterflies tonight
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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