My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Randomize
