Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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