I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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