do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
