you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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