I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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