Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
