Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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