too bad you live with your parents still
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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