My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
