white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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