We're facebook friends in real life
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize