bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
