Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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