I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
