fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
