mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize