of course. lets lasso hookers.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
