I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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