After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
He better not be in your backpack
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
