I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Randomize