I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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