Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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