he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
