The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Everclear isn't food dammit
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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