dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
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