I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
