just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
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