I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
