I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize
