just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
