Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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