she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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