3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
You left your underwear on the fireplace
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize