if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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