Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
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