wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
