P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
