Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Randomize
