Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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