I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
