and you said cock pushups were impossible
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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