How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
