i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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