im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Randomize
