Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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