but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Randomize
