maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
