he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
