Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize