I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
