sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize