I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
