we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
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