ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
a search helicopter?!
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
