I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Randomize
