Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
