Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
