I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
