i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
