Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
