i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
