YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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