The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
