i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
