I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Randomize
