Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
