I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
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