so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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