No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
